Arrested development

Here comes the self-proclaimed Han betrayer, treacherous banana, western-aping traitor who would literally make other Chinese go ape! I’ve been criticized, slammed and seriously warned that I had been too loudly outspoken, wickedly blunt and brazenly explicit. And that I was so stubborn and strong-willed that others often hurl not only rotten eggs at me, but sometimes bull’s testicles…..

I’ve written some unorthodox, perhaps disturbing ‘reverse racist’ blogs in an international website, of which I received both mild approval and disapproval responses. But those are the opinions of people of other countries, who know nothing about our country. There’re apparently strong, distinctive reasons that back my non-conforming attitudes, of which compelled me to launch criticisms at my own race, culture, custom and tradition. I had a very unhappy childhood. I wonder if I had a childhood at all.

But here’s a reminder. This writing of mine is NOT referring to those westernized Chinese (born and/or breed in Western countries), but the primitive, antiquate-minded Chinese with ultra-constricted, rigidly-narrow mindset. Yes, I'm talking about the billions of TYPICAL Chinese that spread all over the vast Asia continent. Lack of assertiveness. Inarticulate. Inability to express. Avoiding eye contacts. Rotten, trashy etiquette, if you still call them etiquette. All these poor social and communicating skills could be easily noticed if one starts a conversation with a Chinese. Also, there are Chinese that would remain totally silent and even trying to shrink and hide themselves at a corner, say in a big gathering. When confronted, these timid Chinese would sheepishly admit that they have no idea what to say and are afraid if they would make mistakes. Hence, better if they make themselves scarce.

My sister-in-law provides a good example. She is a timid, less sociable and conservative Chinese woman. I often saw her reading magazines in the midst of our family conversations. And the other day she did NOT speak a word to me throughout our (my brother, she and me) shopping trip. Didn’t her parents teach her the basic etiquette? Couldn’t she tell what was polite and what wasn’t?

Next, my former high school classmates. There were about 7 of us in our gathering last time. I didn’t join the conversation much, as I had lost interest early. Conversation topics were poorly brought up by this group of graduates, and were also poorly replied. There were some interruptions in the midst of conversations, making an entire topic digressed to another and never returned to the original. And next, the awkward silence took place when a conversation ended or when no one wanted to say nothing. They were university graduates, mind.

This extreme lack of social etiquette could be easily misunderstood for being RUDE, whether or not they meant to be.

So, why Chinese behave this way? Chinese children often model behavior after their parents, who are also LOUSY at communications. Also, Chinese children’s communication progress is often arrested at a comparatively early stage of growing up. It’s arrested due to the very deep-rooted Confucius influence that demands total obedience to their parents. Chinese children are NEVER encouraged to speak their minds. The knowledge of these children is mainly the parrot-like repetitions of the old models of behaviors, instead of methods of the new. Hence, their parents become the most intimidating figures throughout their growing years. Another disturbing problem on the method of bringing up the Chinese children. Chinese children are taught NEVER to make mistakes, as oppose to Western children that are taught to LEARN from mistakes.

And as a result, Chinese people often have little self-confidence in conversations.

The inability to express what they want to would lead to the development of low of self-esteem, of which would create a myriad of problems in later life. Is there a Reform gulag for these narrow and rigid Chinese parents to be thrown into, I wonder. What a cruel upbringing of theirs. (Note that many Chinese leaders actually read from the readily composed manuscripts during their speeches, rather than making speeches from what that comes to mind).

Picture: Chinese boys started reading and writing in the turn of the century.

GRACE CHAN