Life a Beauty Contest?

Life a beauty contest?


“Man-made beauty contest in China!”, screamed the daily headline. Wow, now they have the Chinese version of the Swan! Since when ugliness becomes a disease?

Actually, Extreme Makeovers already existed long ago, esp. among the girls of the night scene. If one entered the Girls’ Waiting Room in any nightclubs, one could see all sorts of potato-craved jobs by licensed and unlicensed, legal and illegal Cosmetic Surgeons. Correct. That was the Silicon Valley of Kuala Lumpur. In that smoky and noisy room, one could easily notice Miss Aquiline Eagle-Peak Nose at one end; Miss Artlined Double-eyelids in the center; Miss Desperate Dan’s Chin at the other end; and Miss Potato Head, fresh from a facelift at the front line. Also, Miss Entire Face and Body Re-craved and Re-moulded sitting quietly, apparently hiding at the back. Not to mention the Miss Flatter Washboard than Britney, who went for a lipo, then gained her weight back and no longer strutting her stuffs.

Sometimes it was mind-boggling why these girls chose to go under the knives that made them even UGLIER. And not to mention that they got addicted, and went for even more surgeries! It seemed to me that they were actually gone for multiple corrections for their previous botch jobs rather than to further beautify themselves. I'm wondering. Is a woman’s looks that important to men? Is slimness synonymous to success? Or the simply standard of beauty is getting higher? Or the ugliness disease has become an epidemic?

Certainly, my heart goes to those unfortunate ones, of which undergoing cosmetic surgery is the only way for them to survive in this cruel, judgmental world. To them, it’s a choice rather than a privilege. It often seems true that life will only reward one if one have the right looks. Many men would only consider a woman attractive if she looks like a fashion model or a celebrity who gains fame from being attractive. And to women, they will succumb to the media’s standard of beauty– view a career in one of the ‘display professions’ – models, actresses, dancers, strippers or highly paid escorts, as the epitome of success.

They say, ‘Don’t judge the book by its cover’. But be realistic. Their heads actually say, ‘The book cover is more interesting than its content’.

Needless to say, all these contribute to the idealistic standard of beauty, of which is impossible to achieve by any mortals. (Who won't get old, ugly, sick and die anyway?). And the belief that a woman only fits in if she is young, attractive and slim. And lo and behold, life suddenly becomes a beauty contest.

Picture: San Francisco advocates About-Face reply to fashion’s skinny mandate.

GRACE CHAN

Little Dragon Girls

Little dragon girls



I'm always amazed. And often, empathetic. Amazed with the fearlessness, the Mammoth courage, determinations, stoic standing and diligence of the Chinese women from Mainland China who work illegally in various countries they thought they could ‘find gold’. They have been to Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong and Macau (as I was informed) in nightclubs, massage parlors, karaoke lounges, etc. Their hardships and difficulties to earn money in a foreign land, only to improve their families’ financial situations back in their motherland China, never once leaves me without feeling disturbed. They encounter many folds of difficulties, compare to us, the local girls who live easier being local earthworms.

Most of them come to Malaysia via student visas. Using these visas (a violation), they work illegally in the nightclubs and other places where they could sell themselves. The valid period of their visas isn't long, usually 3 months, as most only applied to study the English language here, and not for Degrees or Masters. The locals call them ‘xiao lung nu’ or ‘little dragon girls’.

Some were willing to share with me their enormous difficulties, here and back in their homeland. They didn’t have ample time, but urgently needed to earn as much as possible before their visas expired. First of all, they had to earn enough money to pay off the amount they owe to their agents and the flight tickets, within the valid period of their visas. These girls could only pocket the money they earned AFTER earning enough to pay off their debts to their agents and the flight tickets. Those amounts were not small.

In certain nightclubs or massage parlors, prices for these Chinese girls were lower than ours, the local girls’. There were reasons for that. The Chinese girls AGREED to receive the lower pays. It also meant they were willing to work HARDER, for LESS money. Sometimes the pays were so small, to the point of exploitation, but they STILL allowed themselves to be exploited, so that they’d earned something, rather than nothing. Choosing exploitation over poverty is a real poignant decision.

And the condom issue. We local girls never asked, the Chinese girls never told. We only heard the revelations from the clients. They told us the Chinese girls would agree to offer s*x services with OR without using condoms. Not one, not two clients told us that, but many more. Now, choosing the risk of AIDS over poverty is an even more terrifying, scary decision!

To them, taking such deals was akin to gamble with card games. (To us, it’s a Russian roulette, a bet of life or death). If they win, they’d collect their pays with clean bills of health. If not, then it would be an unimaginable horrifying tragic. And to keep on living and working within the short period of time, they’d occupy their heads with the rewards or their earnings of the day. AIDS or Herpes, should never occur in their minds, AND should be overlooked entirely. Or anything negative like that would affect their thoughts, and consequently turned down the chances to earn more, which were already difficult to get by.

To them, both easy and Herculean jobs seemed to be Mission Possible. They’d attempt the grim, difficult, painful, and even dangerous tasks, only to earn the rewards, considerable or less. Once, I witnessed a Chinese girl who willing to gulp down the entire remainder, almost ¾ of the bottle of Hennessy VSOP, neat, in front of the clients and us, the rest of the hostesses, for only RM300 (U$ 78.94). After finish gulping all down, the hapless girl collapsed and had to be carried out of the karaoke room.

Their great agony of destitution back home, which lead them to brave themselves to go through the risky and life-threatening paths, is unknown to most Malaysians of all societal classes. And the worst, most arrogant and least considerate among all are the trendy YUPPIES, who are very quick to condemn, criticize, hurling offensive name-callings and despise these Chinese girls to no end. (They were born with silver spoon in their mouth, of which they did nothing to earn).

These girls’ situations of deficiency and deprivation of even basic necessities back home never spring to mind, and enjoying life is only these Yuppies’ concerns. Hedonistic as it sounds, these privileged people would never learn. They watch TV with great interests whenever there are news with scenes of scantily clad foreign girls being hauled into the police trucks. Later, a ‘serve them right’

Well, one’s wealth level, like the rising of a Hollywood starlet, would soar, but later might fall into the lowest pit, like the unexpected declining of fame of the starlet. Now, ‘serves them right’, if that happens to the Yuppies. With popcorns and Coke, I’ll watch these fallen kiasus, who once enjoyed each moment of showing off their Jimmy Choos, Christian Diors, Pradas and Jaguars, now must struggle to adapt to their newly unfamiliar, bitter and agonizing, miserable austere lives.

The privileged ones. The well-educated ones. The rich. The arrogant ones. The discriminating ones. The biased. The Holier-than-thous. The ones born with silver spoon in their mouths. You should know what’s tailor-made for you.


Picture: Sichuan girls in Jim Dong, Hong Kong, trying to get the possible clients.

GRACE CHAN

Arrested development

Here comes the self-proclaimed Han betrayer, treacherous banana, western-aping traitor who would literally make other Chinese go ape! I’ve been criticized, slammed and seriously warned that I had been too loudly outspoken, wickedly blunt and brazenly explicit. And that I was so stubborn and strong-willed that others often hurl not only rotten eggs at me, but sometimes bull’s testicles…..

I’ve written some unorthodox, perhaps disturbing ‘reverse racist’ blogs in an international website, of which I received both mild approval and disapproval responses. But those are the opinions of people of other countries, who know nothing about our country. There’re apparently strong, distinctive reasons that back my non-conforming attitudes, of which compelled me to launch criticisms at my own race, culture, custom and tradition. I had a very unhappy childhood. I wonder if I had a childhood at all.

But here’s a reminder. This writing of mine is NOT referring to those westernized Chinese (born and/or breed in Western countries), but the primitive, antiquate-minded Chinese with ultra-constricted, rigidly-narrow mindset. Yes, I'm talking about the billions of TYPICAL Chinese that spread all over the vast Asia continent. Lack of assertiveness. Inarticulate. Inability to express. Avoiding eye contacts. Rotten, trashy etiquette, if you still call them etiquette. All these poor social and communicating skills could be easily noticed if one starts a conversation with a Chinese. Also, there are Chinese that would remain totally silent and even trying to shrink and hide themselves at a corner, say in a big gathering. When confronted, these timid Chinese would sheepishly admit that they have no idea what to say and are afraid if they would make mistakes. Hence, better if they make themselves scarce.

My sister-in-law provides a good example. She is a timid, less sociable and conservative Chinese woman. I often saw her reading magazines in the midst of our family conversations. And the other day she did NOT speak a word to me throughout our (my brother, she and me) shopping trip. Didn’t her parents teach her the basic etiquette? Couldn’t she tell what was polite and what wasn’t?

Next, my former high school classmates. There were about 7 of us in our gathering last time. I didn’t join the conversation much, as I had lost interest early. Conversation topics were poorly brought up by this group of graduates, and were also poorly replied. There were some interruptions in the midst of conversations, making an entire topic digressed to another and never returned to the original. And next, the awkward silence took place when a conversation ended or when no one wanted to say nothing. They were university graduates, mind.

This extreme lack of social etiquette could be easily misunderstood for being RUDE, whether or not they meant to be.

So, why Chinese behave this way? Chinese children often model behavior after their parents, who are also LOUSY at communications. Also, Chinese children’s communication progress is often arrested at a comparatively early stage of growing up. It’s arrested due to the very deep-rooted Confucius influence that demands total obedience to their parents. Chinese children are NEVER encouraged to speak their minds. The knowledge of these children is mainly the parrot-like repetitions of the old models of behaviors, instead of methods of the new. Hence, their parents become the most intimidating figures throughout their growing years. Another disturbing problem on the method of bringing up the Chinese children. Chinese children are taught NEVER to make mistakes, as oppose to Western children that are taught to LEARN from mistakes.

And as a result, Chinese people often have little self-confidence in conversations.

The inability to express what they want to would lead to the development of low of self-esteem, of which would create a myriad of problems in later life. Is there a Reform gulag for these narrow and rigid Chinese parents to be thrown into, I wonder. What a cruel upbringing of theirs. (Note that many Chinese leaders actually read from the readily composed manuscripts during their speeches, rather than making speeches from what that comes to mind).

Picture: Chinese boys started reading and writing in the turn of the century.

GRACE CHAN

Men’s Infidelity for Dummies

Extremely familiar and common as it may sound, it STILL rears its pretty head very often nonetheless, creating the irresistible ideas and curiosities for the professional snoopers to start a snoop, and boggles the minds of the young intellectual professionals, who are totally unfamiliar to this issue. But on the other hand, it could annoyingly bore those chronically advanced, professional womanizers. My thesaurus reads: infidelity, adultery, betrayal, cheating, straying, unfaithfulness and ...aww! Painful words.

So, if anyone finds it needs a Herculean effort to assimilate, then please do not try too hard. I may rattle on like a runaway bullock cart. So, if anyone would like to start writing for the Dummies book series, suggested title: ‘Men’s Infidelity for Dummies’, do feel free to copy and paste from here.

You see, I was often amazed. Sometimes a little confused. Other times, pitiful. Needless to say, my previous work in the nightclubs was to entertain men, so often the married ones. So, what happened to these red-blooded, flamboyant men’s WIVES at home? Of course, such menial, ‘irritating flies’ would be swatted away, dead if possible. The clients’ wives were non-existed in this kind of world. See the utmost cruelty now?

Now I try to perceive things on other sides, opposite ones, esp., to be in someone else shoes. I'm amazed and admired these wives’ abilities to tolerate their husbands’ severe irresponsibility, unfaithfulness, betrayals and their openly philandering ways.

To make the descriptions easier to assimilate, I’d put these wives into 3 categories. Firstly, the retaliating wife. If a woman knows her husband patronizes some illegal clubs, massage parlors, etc. that hiring illegal girls from neighborhood countries, she’d get together with her alliances to report the matters to the authorities. Then these places would be ransacked and closed, and the girls would be sent to the lock-ups and later deported. But of course, arming with brooms, mops and vacuum cleaners, the wife and her alliances could never be able to intrude into the legalized classy, posh nightclubs, which are tightly secured. But when her husband finally comes home, there would be flying saucers, pots, pans, and cutlery all over the house. Many exchanging finger pointing, threats and vulgarity, and later a round of wrestling between the couples and their home crumbled like biscuits.

Secondly, the teeth-gritting, semi-retaliating wives. When she knows about her husband are straying, she would stay calm and later confronts him. She’d cry, bit her lips, but trying hard not to start fierce, loud arguments and to avoid their home from crushing down. Whenever her husband returns home late, she’d check if there were lipstick or makeup stains on the collars. If there were stains, she’d cry pitifully, blaming the other women and blaming her own ill fate. Later she’d wake her husband up and drill him about the stains. It also works like an alarm clock. There would be quarrels, but the wife often gives in. She’d cry, seek for helps or drown her sorrow, and sometimes launches mild to moderate attacks.

Thirdly, the willing wives. She KNOWS everything about her husband’s womanizing habit and his extra-marital affairs. Nonetheless, she’d be a good Confucius wife. She would NOT retaliate, complain or even mention anything about it. She has to endure silently the pains and shames of her husbands philandering ways. She’d cry discreetly at a corner when her husband is talking over the phone with his girls. When it’s over, she’d smile, appear cheerful and talk about other things, like nothing has taken place. Do you know that Jackie Chan’s wife, Lin Fung Jiao falls in this category, the willing wife?

But I'm broad-minded enough to acknowledge and accept them, as I should be responsible for errs of my writings, if there’s any.

Picture : The posh Playground for Men - Bintang Palace in Jalan Imbi, KL, grand opening in the late 2002.



GRACE CHAN