序言: 1. 男人三妻四妾是天生的。
2. 既然我站立起来发言，我代表所有的性工作者或妓女。
3. 这文章是针对歧视妓女的佛教徒。
90年代。 这是皇都夜总会的大场。在台上面，Band 队的音乐很大声。大声到客人要抱紧我们小姐，说话在我们的耳边。夜总会的客人一大部分都是结了婚的男人。他们的性欲很强。在大场，有很多男经理， 男服务员（waiters）走来走去。
但好色, 淫荡的客人会强吻我们小姐的口和脸部到整个脸发臭。他们别的狂放动作就是用手摩挲，抓，挖，我们的里面。 甚至什么都要挖出来看。他们拉我们的衣服，拆开内衣。拿我们的手来按摩他们的阳部，按摩到坚硬。这么多人跑来跑去，他们都不理会。如果在卡啦OK方里面，我们可以忍受。不过在大场，我们的工作真的很幸苦，要忍受这样的侮辱和委屈。最难忍受都要忍受。很多小姐服轻的物质来‘high’ ，麻醉自己来做完我们的工作。单单喝酒是不够的。如果有男人（非客人）在外面这样做，我一早就打破他的脸。让他看他自己的血。
我的好朋友，Annie, 有一晚上和我说，‘如果我们卖肉体的钱撕开, 眼泪和血都会流下来’。我听了都要哭。是事实，没有什么工作这么痛苦和难忍受过卖自己的肉体。
做夜总会小姐或性功作者不是我的选择。这个功作是我自己不愿意做的。 在夜总会功作，痛苦的日子是99%。 开心的日子是1%.
关键是为什么我要做这我根本不愿意做的工作？原因就是我的精神病不允许我继续求学。不允许我做明日的工作。 我患了严重的先天性和遗传的抑郁症和强逼症。我的集中力严重分散。思想一点都不正常。左右我的份不清楚。自己的身体，头发发臭了，我都不懂。这样那可以做办公室的工作呢？惟一个工作我做到的是讲话，唱歌，喝酒和陪男人。
现在修行了，我的病渐渐退了。但让我最心痛的是有些佛教徒一样批评，歧视我的工作。我当然会做回我自己。 我拍摄了艺术裸体写真照片。这些照片让我感觉很骄傲，给了我很大的自信心。拍摄之前我很幸苦来减肥，精进做运动。我和Joshua Tan 很头痛来计划编制。拍摄时侯真的很幸苦。需要整个两天还做完。
拍摄的价钱是很贵。Joshua 是一位很专业的摄影师。他教我摆很好的姿势 （pose），让我的照片不会猥亵，淫秽。他做到了。拍摄的结果很成功。他拍摄了我的很高贵的艺术裸体写真照片。甚至洗照片的职员都赞他的创作品。
但是那些佛教徒，不但批评，歧视我的工作，他们也看不顺眼我的艺术裸体写真照片。有一个佛教徒，她清高来说我这样的行为是 ‘不正’，再说 ‘修佛要修心’。那她自己有修心吗？歧视,批评是叫修心，修行啊？歧视, 批评就是憎恨。憎恨就是罪恶。 她作了罪业她自己都不知道。在离谱就是她叫我去‘三昧水忏’！如果这样全世界的妓女都是‘不正’, 全部都要去忏悔。如果不忏悔，就不可以修行了。有这样的愚蠢，白痴，傻的佛呆子。她这样的说话是很大的侮辱。全世界有几百万的妓女。她已经说了几百万的侮辱说话，如果她会计数。这些佛教徒还叫自己们修行者。他们修什么呢？ 就是修愚蠢，白痴。比畜牲更愚蠢，白痴。起码畜牲不会歧视,批评。
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Prologue:
1. Men are polygamous by nature.
2. Since I choose to stand up to voice out, I am representing ALL sex workers.
3. This article is written for the reading pleasure of ALL bigoted Buddhists.
In the 90s. This was the Deluxe Nite Club’s grand hall. The Filipino band singing and playing loud music, so loud that the clients hugged us girls tightly, and talked to us on the ear sides. The majority of the nightclub clients were MARRIED MEN. And their lustfulness surpassed the animals’. There were many male Managers and waiters who walked around hastily, doing their routines in the grand hall.
But the briskness of many people around didn’t affect dog-drooling, canine lecherous clients. Their testosterone controlled their brains, and their penises had their own minds. There went the forced kissing, face licking, until we girls’ faces smelt rotten. The clients’ favorite brutal libidinous actions were grouping, digging out what were inside our bras, for they wanted to see the nipples. Some opened our bra hooks, pulled our skirts up to reveal the panties, and even pulled the panties, in front of so many watching eyes. Another thingy that they really loved was to put our hands on top of their pants, on their groins, and told us to stroke their penises till rock hard.
We girl would not mind much if they did all above in the Karaoke rooms, for only the few waiters and waitresses were outsiders. But in the grand hall, all these insulting, embarrassing actions could be seen by many others, esp. the male Managers and waiters. We girls had to endure what we didn’t want to endure, no matter how much we loathed them all. Many of us took soft substances like speeds so that the time could elapse faster, and so that our mind would be altered from reluctant and pains to willingness and pleasures. Alcohol alone no longer working. It was a norm to see us girls grinned or laughed for no reasons, or repeating what we had said or done, or completely out of our minds.
If all these happened outside the nightclubs, done by a man who was a non-client, I would break his face, and let him tasted his own blood.
There was a night when a good friend of mine, Annie lamented, ‘If we tear the money that we earned from selling our bodies, the tears and blood would drip’. When I heard it, I became teary. I couldn’t think of any other jobs that could be so insulting, agonizing and harrowing.
Working in the nightclubs was NOT my choice. It was a job that I was NOT willing to do. Working in nightclubs, days of unhappiness was 99%, while happiness was only 1%.
The crux of the matter. Why on the planet I chose to work as nightclub hostess, when I was so UNWILLING to? The REASON was that my psychological illnesses, namely Clinical Depression (an inheritance) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (congenital) disallowed me to pursue on my studies. It also disallowed me from working in daytime, in offices. These illnesses were chronic and severe. Severe enough to cause great concentration impairment. My thought was not right. I lived in my OCD fantasies that almost caused me to detach from the reality. Sometimes, I couldn’t even handle the daily life activities. My brain couldn’t work anymore.
Telling me to work in office was stupid idea. I had worked in a telemarketing company called Kompass prior to working in nightclubs. I couldn’t even remember how to fill up the simple forms and bills. My mental concentration was near to zero. I was called to the manager office several times for my poor performances. That was the reason I left the office and worked in the nightclubs, the only job that I could do. Working in the nightclubs was very easy, only entertaining men, singing and drinking, and nothing that required mental concentration. And alcohol and speeds were readily available. When we girls were drunk, all of us were insane. So who cares?
And my boyfriend, Horikawa did not notice my mental abnormalities. He only thought I was too young, and would cry and scream for things that I wanted, just like a child.
Many years have past and now I am cultivating Buddhism. It’s amazing that my psychological illness gradually alleviated. But circumstances have not come to an end. Now I have to endure the new insults. Insults from whom if not Buddhists themselves? They discriminate my profession. They abhor my artistic nude pictures that not only I had paid high price for, but painstakingly went through the painful dieting and rigorous exercise before the photography. And the nerve wrecking planning and organizing by both Joshua Tan and I. Not to mention the exhausting two photo sessions that took the entire two days.
And Joshua was a professional. He put in effort, taught me how to perform creative, refine poses, so that my photos would not come out obscene or vulgar. He made it as classy as possible. The results of the photography was excellent. It was such a real success that those in the photo processing shop praised Joshua's exquisite works. These photos are what I am really proud of, of which they return and restore back my long lost self esteem.
And these are the photos that those bigoted Buddhists DISGUSTED about, in addition to their shallow discrimination against my profession. There was one Holier-Than-Thou Buddhist said such attitude of mine was ‘NOT RIGHT’. And with her aloft style, she continued, ‘Cultivate Buddhism must cultivate the heart’. Then DID she cultivate her own heart in first place? So discrimination is called cultivating heart or cultivating Buddhism?
Discrimination is hatred. And hatred is bad karma itself. She had invested her own bad karma, and she didn’t even aware of it. The most ludicrous thing was that she urged me to go for the Repentence ritual, ‘San Mei Shui Chan’! If these should be the right way accordingly, then ALL sex workers in the entire world are ‘NOT RIGHT’. All should go for all those complete ABSURD repentance rituals, before allowing to cultivate Buddhism.
Little did I knew there was such idiotic, senseless, lard-headed, so-called cultivating Buddhist. All those she had uttered were GREAT insults. There are millions of sex workers in the entire world. And she had uttered millions of words of insults if she knew how to count.
These biased Buddhists are more idiotic than ANIMALS. At least animals don’t discriminate. Despite of being pig-brained, lard-headed, they still think they are oh-so-self-righteous. They are not cultivating Buddhism. They are cultivating ABSOLUTE STUPIDITY.
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